“Break Out of the Cycle of Unhappiness and Step into Real Love, Self Love.” – Dr. Ronica Arnold Branson
Although we all want to be in loving, happy relationships, the truth is, we all aren’t. Relationships take work and we have to be true to ourselves, our wants, and our needs in order to have happiness and fulfillment. Although no relationship is perfect, we sometimes feel a need to compromise for our partners, but with this compromise also comes a compromise to our well-being and joy. Although the trend may be to be in a relationship, It’s important to remember that we shouldn’t completely compromise who we truly are just to say that we are in a relationship. It’s important to know when to say when and either move on or seek help in repairing the broken pieces. The following are signs that may mean you and/or your partner are unhappy. You should pay attention to when realizing enough is enough and it may just be time to move on.
More breaking up, than making up or having arguments all the time.
If you find that there are consistent disagreements this is a red flag. Every couple will have a disagreement every once in a while, we learn each other in the process of loving each other, but when the disagreements get to be more frequent than the “happy” moments, it may be a sign that there is a problem. It is not healthy for couples to spend the majority of their time arguing with one another or even spending time apart even though you’re together. For most of us, the purpose of being in a relationship is to have companionship, to have someone to share our lives with, whether they are happy moments, or not so happy moments. When you find yourselves in constant disagreements with your partner and you don’t give each other that sense of peaceful support of just “being there” the relationship may not be the one for you.
Your partner is constantly finding fault in you.
When someone is unhappy, the smallest thing can tick them off. If your partner is constantly nit-picking and they can not identify your good points, it may be time to move on. Every person in every relationship needs to feel successful and also feel like they are making some type of contribution to the relationship. If your partner consistently puts you down, does not acknowledge the good that you do, or at least try to do, and does not value your contributions, the person probably will not ever acknowledge what you have to offer. As we must remember, things like this don’t usually get better, but get worse as time goes on. Additionally, if you have talked with your partner to let them know how this makes you feel and you still see no results, the behavior more than likely will not change.
Little or no communication.
In any relationship, communication is always key. If your relationship has gotten to the point where you no longer communicate, this may be a sign of an unhappy relationship. Communication comes in many ways, but it’s important that each person feels heard and validated. When your partner no longer feels that it’s necessary to have dialogue, does not care about your point of view, and is not willing to share very important things that you would want to know, it may be a sign that you are in an unhappy relationship. For some this communication may be simply telling them what time you’re coming home from work or calling to check on you during the day, for others, it may be telling them that you had a conversation with your ex.
Couples should realize that open dialogue and communication needs to be an ongoing event. This is a very important part of any relationship. When these conversations about little things are omitted, it could lead to bigger problems. It is also important to know what’s important. For one partner, it may be important for them to know if you’re having a weekly lunch date with a colleague or old friend, for the other partner, this might not be as important, but it is essential that these conversations of what is and is not important is talked about early on.
Lack of R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
As Aretha sang, R.E.S.P.E.C.T….. Find out what it means to me, R.E.S.P.E.C.T…. Take care TCB. Respect is essential to a happy and healthy relationship. Partners have to respect one another in all aspects. When your partner shows that they are losing respect for you, through abusive language, abusive acts, and/or engages in activities that they know are not appropriate, this is most definitely a sign that something is not right. When a person, gets in a “I don’t care mode” and constantly belittles or degrades their partner, anything might happen. You have to realize, you must first respect yourself, by showing that you love yourself and showing others that you love yourself enough to not tolerate disrespectful behaviors. There is a saying the people will only do to you, what you allow them to do to you. If there is a tolerance for disrespect, the person has no need to say or do anything about it. So therefore, you must remember that if you let the cycle of disrespect continue and not say anything about it, unfortunately, it will more than likely continue.
You stop spending time together.
When couples first get together, they are so excited to get to know each other and want to spend every chance they have with one another. Remember the high school days with all the excitement of being in a new relationship and you would fall asleep on the phone while talking, well those levels of excitement might not be the same, but there should still be an air of excitement and you should want to spend time together. When date nights turn into home nights or your partner no longer comes home or finds excuses to avoid coming home, this may be a sign than home is not their happy place.
Either partner stops trying.
People in an unhappy relationship stop trying to make things work. They stop trying to please their partner, stop trying to focus on the good or is no longer show signs of interest in making the relationship work, the relationship may have taken a turn for the worse. Every couple will have their ups and downs, but when things seem to continue to get worse and no one partner is not making an effort to improve, the relationship often can’t last. A relationship can only succeed when both people are working toward the same or similar goals. When you stop trying or realize that both of you are going in totally different directions, this may be a sign that there is time for a change.
You have nothing in common anymore or your partner will not engage in activities that make you happy.
Ever heard the phrase, opposites attract? This has proven to be true for many couples. But the problem comes to the forefront when you don’t find yourself interested in engaging in what your partner’s interests are or you no longer have an interest in doing things with your partner. If your idea of a romantic night is spending a night in bed watching movies and your partner would rather be out watching fireworks, this is ok. It’s called compromise. We can watch movies after we come from seeing the fireworks show. When you are no longer interested in trying new things with your partner or both of you constantly want to do completely different things or you no longer want to do things with each other, these may be signs that you and your partner cannot come to a happy compromise. It’s important to look at your personality types and whether or not your partner is interested in welcoming a new perspective. If that person refuses to change or even has no interest in doing different things with you, this might signal that a change has come.
Moody, moody, moody or BA (Bad Attitude).
The most obvious thing that we most often ignore, is our partner’s attitude. It is often said that our attitude determines our altitude. If your partner no longer smiles when they are around you, does not show affection, or has an unpleasant demeanor when they are in your presence, more than likely, they are unhappy. This change in attitude can come as a result of many different things. Sometimes they can have a bad day of work, but every day should not be a bad day. Your partner should be able to relax, rejuvenate and engage in happy moments as a result of being around you. If they constantly have a bad attitude, anger, or an unpleasant disposition, this is a cause for concern.
If you are interested in improving your relationship with your partner or yourself, contact Dr. Ronica at www.drronica.com or at (601) 622-1393 for individual, couples or marriage counseling or coaching.